White Nights by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Not afraid of love, but of life.
Dear Reader,
I'm writing this just after I put down "White Nights" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. So the review might not be as thought out, but might seem raw. Because that book is raw! And I just have to get it out of me as quickly as I can. I understand this is not Dostoyevsky's best writing, but I am starting to understand... (something), I just don't know what yet! I'll be reading Notes from Underground next. Wish me luck! Haha!
For those who do not know the story yet: "White Nights" follows an unnamed narrator: a lonely, introspective man who lives between dreams and reality. One night, he meets Nastenka. Over four nights and a morning, the two form a deep, fragile bond as they share their truths and inner worlds. His is filled with dreams, and she is filled with longing for a lost love. The dreamer falls for Nastenka, but on the final morning, her former lover returns. She leaves with him, and the dreamer is left alone once more, heartbroken, but very grateful for having loved, however briefly.
It was a short read, but an intense one. That man is imprisoned in his own tenderness and chaos. I understand how much effect intense daydreaming can have on one's life, that at some point you begin to question what you feel, whether it's phantom or real. But this is pure craziness! The level of desperation sometimes felt scary, and the loneliness he feels is heart-wrenching. This man is not living his life, but rehearsing it endlessly in a theatre of his own mind.
To me, the character felt more like an abstract idea rather than a man of physical being. More like a psychological state which is overpowered with abandonment, desperation, and pity. Ah, I just remembered in the book, Dostoyevsky even refers to the character calling himself a type, not a man. Fits perfectly! His narrative is very unreliable and lucid too. I could only think of the constant living in dreams could be the reason. He is seeing everything, he is feeling everything, and yet he is not able to participate in it.
I am not even going to get into answering the question of whether I liked the dreamer or not. I believe the whole point of the book is to understand him, understand that state of mind, understand that type. But I pity him a lot! At some point midway, I even thought how can someone live with such complexity. Felt so very sorry for the dreamer. All he is looking for is a fleeting connection. Now, I don't know if that's something to be appreciated or felt sad for.
And Nastenka, she seemed more real and practical, and also caught between her own desires and society's restrictions. Maybe that's why the dreamer was so attracted to her, because she is not a dream, but very real. I wouldn't see her choice of returning to the man she loved before as a betrayal. I think she is just being true to herself, which she had already warned the dreamer about at the beginning. But she surely did love the dreamer, and it was genuine, but different... like some sort of gratitude, a companionship, or maybe a kind of soul-recognition?
If I could summarize my experience while reading "White Nights," I would say this: yearning for soul's hunger for connection, however fleeting.
But what I am left with is this question: For the dreamer, is it better to dream a perfect love or to suffer an imperfect reality?
"My God! A whole minute of bliss! Is that really so little for the whole of a man's life?"
— Dreamer in "White Nights" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I think the dreamer would choose the dream, because he is not afraid of love, but of life.
If you have read the book already, what are your thoughts?
Until next time,
Yana